Robin's Boogie Nights
by Flaming Homer
Summary: Robin lives out his secret fantasy, as the Titan's take a night off to rest and relax.(Chapter Three is now up)
1. Default Chapter

AN: This is a repost of the first comedy I've ever written. I wanted to share my madness with everyone. It's what I like to do. Enjoy!  
  
Warning: This is rated PG-13. For bad taste and extreme, ( I do mean extreme) OOCness.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own the Teen Titan's. And if I were the creator, I would sue me for this.  
  
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Robin's Boogie Night's

Prologue

Flaming Homer

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The witching hour is quickly blanketing the inhabitants of Gotham city.

Darkness always seems to bring out the worse in the citizens of our fair city: Drunks pile into their cars, ready to plow down the teenage couples on their first date, smack addicts litter the alleys and gutters trying to push one more vile of liquid pleasure into flaccid veins, fat hookers apply their makeup and massage their sweaty cankles in preparation for yet another night of trolling for dentally challenged truckers and lonely star wars fanatics, and sociopathic villains don their tights and mask, ready to unleash unbridled fury on the innocent with massive dooms day weapons. The average citizen, though, fears not these mean streets, for they are protected by the avengers of the meek...the fab five of justice...the Teen Titans. With their safety left in the hands of these courageous vigilantes, mere mortals feel safe enough to venture out into the night, and act like dicks.

Tonight , however, is quite different.

Tonight, our citizens must fend for themselves in this sea of debauchery.

For tonight, the Titans, are off duty. For this is the eve of Robins debut. Tonight Robin doesn't don his mask of justice, Tonight he lives out his life long dream....of being a male stripper. Let us now join our hero's as they prepare to leave the tower, for a night of much needed R&R  
  
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Okay, the prologue isn't that long but I think it foreshadows nicely for what is about to come.

Please read and review.


	2. Preparation

**Robin's Boogie Night**

**By: Flaming Homer**

**Chapter One: Preparation**

With the turmoil of the workweek now a fading memory, Saturday night settles down on our fair city of Gotham. This is a time for young and old alike to clamor together, in search of adventure. The blaring of car horns, chatter of pedestrians, and the inaudible lyrics of top 40 songs, blend together to make a sound more enticing than a sirens call to sailors. Nestled in the middle of a shimmering harbor, Titan's Tower is also alive with activity. With the first Saturday night off in what seems like a lifetime, the Titans are gathered in the living room, each searching for a way to spend this rare opportunity.

The flickering of table lamps silhouetted our hero's as they each planned their evenings. Star hummed softly to herself, as she carefully laid baby doll tees in a large cardboard box. Raven lounged in an over stuffed chair, sipping tea and watching the news, while Beast Boy laid sprawled on the carpet in front of her. Cyborg was polishing his metal frame with a cloth diaper, buffing it to a blinding shine. Robin's absence went unnoticed by his teammates; as each prepared for a well-deserved night of R&R.

Contented with his shine, Cyborg put the cloth down, and turned to Beast Boy. " Have you found anything yet?" Cyborg demanded of Beast Boy, who was, scouring the newspaper, looking for a good club to go to.

" There doesn't seem like a lot is going on tonight. Do you want to check out the new Adam Sandler movie?"

Cyborg snorted in disapproval " Man if I wanted to watch a movie I would stay home! I want to dance, met some girls, you know real fun."

Frowning, Beast Boy ran his index finger down the printed club listing, looking for the just the right venue. A caption at the bottom of the page caught his eye. "Hey how about Masquerade?"

" Masquerade? Isn't that the joint that plays all that techno shit? Keep looking."

Not ready to give up on his newfound discovery Beast Boy sat upright, clutching the paper in his fist. " Come on dude, it sounds like fun, and it doesn't shut down until six."

" Nope, I don't want to go!"

" Its open mike night! Nothing is funnier than watching drunks make complete ass's of themselves."

" I said no!"

Beast Boy picked himself off of the floor, and walked toward Cyborg." There's no cover tonight."

Frustrated, Cyborg cast a leering look down on his diminutive comrade." Are you fucking deaf or just stupid? I said I ain't going and that's that!"

" Its ladies night." Beast Boy replied, raising his eyebrows up and down, and flashing a wicked grin at Cyborg.

"Ladies night….Well maybe it won't be that bad."

" Then its agreed, we're going."

Beast Boy, then, turned to the girls. "Hey do you guys want to come with?"

" No, thanks I have plans of my own." Raven replied, her eyes never leaving the flickering TV. screen.

Starfire perked up. " Oh, I would love to go, but I have to drop this box off at the shelter first. Would you two like to join me?"

Both of the boys stood frozen looking at each other. Neither wanting to hurt her feelings, but the prospect of wasting time at a shelter, seemed as fun a rectal exam. Breaking the silence, Cyborg stepped forward.

" No offense Star, but if I wanted to spend my time surrounded by funky ass smells, I would do Beast Boys laundry. Why don't you meet up with us when you're done? Beast Boy will give you the directions."

Beast Boy's eyebrows slammed together in the middle of his forehead. "HEY….My laundry does not stink."

"Yes it does. Now shut up and give Star the directions so we can go.

Snapping into action, B.B. grabbed a pencil and a napkin from the coffee table, and furiously scribbled down the directions. "Here you go Star," he said, handing her the barely legible napkin. "Just call me on my cell if you get lost."

" Raven are you sure you don't want to come? I am sure I can find you a man there." Beast Boy said over to the dark girl.

" As I said before, I have plans, and I don't need you to find me a man, but maybe I can find you one." Raven said, raising from her seat.

" Ha.. burn!!!" Cyborg yelled, needlessly, into Beast Boys face, before he playfully punched him in the chest.

"Just shut up! Can we just go?" Beast Boy barked indignantly.

The group collectively made a push for the door, but Starfire paused, and looked around the room as if she had forgotten something. "What about Robin?" she inquired. "Aren't we going to include him in tonight's activities?"

" Come to think of it I haven't seen him in hours." Beast Boy said.

"Look, he's probably in the training room. " Cyborg said, pulling the heavy front door open. "You know he doesn't like to be disturbed when he's in the training room. We should just let him be."

"I suppose your right," Starfire said, uncertainly. She gave one last look over her shoulder, shrugged, and followed her friends as they stepped out into the night.

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Robin crouched behind a pillar in the hallway, cleverly hidden from the gazes of his comrade. Cautiously, he watched them gather their coats, and keys, as they made their way to the door. The echoing clang of the door closing was his cue to rise from his hiding spot, and make his way back into his room. With the speed of a man possessed, he ran down the hall and burst into his room, closing the door as quickly as he had came through it. He stood still with his back pressed against the door, gulping air, trying to slow his breathing down, all the while his eyes darted around the room, as if he was expecting someone to come in at any minute.

Aqualad, who sprawled across the bed, stopped thumbing through the latest issue of Maxium, and threw a curious look at his paranoid friend." What's the matter with you?"

Robin regained his composure and flashed a confident grin." They're gone." Robin replied, as he moved across the room to his full-length mirror near the bedside nightstand.

"Its about time!" Aqualad yawned. "I've been stuck in this damn room for two hours."

Ignoring his friends grievances, Robin stared at his body in the mirror. He began to flex each muscle group slowly, as a silent rhythm played in his head. As he locked eyes with the man in the mirror, a million thoughts swarmed together at once. Never before had he ever thought of trying something so dangerous. Never before did he ever believe that he would leave himself so vulnerable. Never before did he think he would ever think of do something so potentially stupid. But the time for second guesses had passed, and now with mere hours left between victory and humiliation, worry had etched it self on our young hero's face.

"Hello…Hello, Rob are you even listening to me?" Aqualad's irritated voice ripped through the fog of Robin's trance.

He turned toward Aqualads, smoothing his hair down with a sweat-drenched palm. " No man, I'm sorry. Guess I zoned out. I guess I've got a case of pre-show jitters." He turned the corner of his mouth up, in what he hoped was a grin. He didn't want Aqualad to see the glimmer of fear that was beginning to consume him.

If Aqualad had noticed the quiver in Robins voice he didn't let on to it. He slowly sat up on the bed, letting the magazine tumble to the carpet below. " Look man what's there to be nervous about? You've been practicing for a month! You've got the routine down pat! Quit psyching yourself out."

"Yeah your right. But I would feel better if I went through the moves one more time." Robin nodded, then quickly turning away from his friend, he began his pop and lock dance routine around the bedroom.

" Whatever." Aqualad mumbled under his breath. He briefly studied Robin's dance routine, before rolling his eyes towards the ceiling, and releasing a heavy sigh. He, then, patted his back pockets, extracted a his prized monogrammed cigarette case, and lit up a cigarette.

"How did I let him talk me into this?" he thought to himself, as a plume of smoke curled above his head.

He remembered that awkward phone call a month ago. Robin had asked him for help with a special project. Little did he know, that "special project" would leave him scarred for life. Together, he and Robin had stared death in the eye, battled the fiercest villains this side of the western hemisphere, thwarted doomsday plots, and saved the world millions of times over. However, never had he thought that he and Robin would ever team up to show the world the Full Monty.

For weeks he had met with Robin in secret, working furiously into the wee hours of the morning. He had taught Robin how to dance, told him what to wear, and waxed hair from places one man shouldn't touch another in. Their friendship had been tested to its very limits, but that tends to happen when you help another man adjust the roll of quarters in his Tighty Whitie's.

Tonight, however, all their efforts would all come to an end, and Aqualad would not have to spend one more minute in his own private Idaho. The very thought of this brought a bright smile to his face, and a sense of calm washed over him.

His sweet revelry didn't last very long, though. He was, suddenly, jolted from his inner peace by Robin's confident proclamation, "I really think I've got this down! I'm gonna fucking kill out there!"

Aqualad turned just in time to see Robin thrusting his pelvis closer and closer to his head.

"Shiiii----iiiit!!" He screamed, rolling off the bed, crashing to the floor, just before Robin's dick could make contact with him. The cigarette that had, once, dangled limply from his lips, had fallen onto his crotch.

" Shit!!!" He screamed again, slamming his fist over and over into his groin trying to put out the flame that was starting to engulf him. He winced with the pain, that only a man that smashes his own balls could know. As soon as the plumes of smoke dissipated, Aqualad glared at Robin over the edge of the bed, and noticed that the Boy Wonder was still thrusting away at his shadow on the wall.

"Dude! If you ever do that again, I will kick the holy living shit out of you!!" He yelled. The redness of his face was in direct contrast with his blue uniform..

Robin, hands clasped firmly behind his head, looked down at his smoldering comrade

"What's wrong with you?"

"ROBIN!! You nearly shoved your dick in my eye! " Lines of spittle cascaded from the enraged superhero mouth. His chest heaved up and down, as he awaited an apology.

Robin let his hands fall to his sides. He cocked his head slightly at Aqualad , and flashed him a smile. " Are you jealous? Seeing perfection up close and personal."

The vein in Aqualads forehead throbbed viciously, " You know I ought to kick your ass!" He ran his fingers through his hair, before stealing a glance at the wall clock. " Look man don't you think its time to go?"

Robin looked down at his watch, astonished to see how the time had passed so quickly, "Yeah your right, I better get going."

He walked briskly toward the door, grabbing a coat and black gym bag. " Are you going to ride with me?" he asked.

" No man, I'll meet you there." Aqualad replied, waving him off. "I need to be alone for a while."

" You've got my music don't you?" Robin asked.

"Yeah, yeah, I said I'd be the DJ this damn thing didn't I?" Aqualad said.

" Okay…I'll see you at ten o'clock." With that Robin walked out, and made his out of the tower.

When the sound of the front door closed behind Robin, Aqualad heaved a heavy sigh, and mouthed the words "thank you god!" toward the ceiling.

**End Chapter One.**


	3. Fatal Attraction

AN: Special thanks to the six people who actually liked this and have given it a positive review. On to chapter two…

Disclaimer: I do not own the Teen Titans and I apologize to Charlie Sheen for this. Don't sue.

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Chapter Two: Fatal Attraction

The hypnotic rhythm of techno music blared from every speaker in the dimly lit club. The people on the floor swarmed to gather in one huge pulsating mass. Robin moved through the flood of people undetected as he inched toward the small stage door that led to the back.

Meanwhile, Beast Boy and Cyborg were just coming off the dance floor, heading for the bar, in need of liquid refreshment after twenty minutes of doing the electric slide.

After they ordered their drinks, Cyborg turns to Beast Boy and smacks him on the back of the head.

Incensed, Beast Boy rounds on Cyborg, while rubbing the back of his head. "Dude, the hell's wrong with you….what the hell was that for?"

"Man, you better be glad that is all I did to you," Cyborg returned.

"Dude that was not cool!"

"Not cool. _Not cool._ I'll tell you what's not cool. This weak ass club you dragged me to." Cyborg spread his arms wide to emphasize his meaning. "You promised me good-looking women. Where are all the good-looking women?"

"What are you talking about man? We are surrounded by beautiful women. Just take a look around."

Cyborg snorted loudly at the remark. "I didn't know I had to be Ray Charles find a good-lookin' woman in this place."

"Hell, you'd hafta be Ray Charles to get a woman to even talk to you're ugly metal ass," Beast Boy muttered. "The ladies here are loooo-ve—leeeee."

" Man I don't know what you're smoking, cuz I feel like I'm at the pound judging by all these dogs! I mean goddamn! Not one of these women is up to Cyborg standards."

"Dude you are such a fucking ass. It's no wonder your single."

Slamming his metal fists on his hips, Cyborg was stunned. "What's that suppose to mean?"

" I think it's pretty obvious!" Beast Boy bit back, "There are dozens of good-looking women here." Then he pointed to the far end of the room "Look to your leftwhat about the red head?"

"Fat"

"Okay how about the blonde next to her? She's pretty cute."

"Ugly…ooohhh. Damn ugly"

"Fine… how about the one with the black hair? She's gorgeous."

Cyborg squinted his eyes. "I think that ones a man."

" No it isn't"

"Look man I can see its Adam's apple from over here!"

Turning away from him, Beast boy frowned deeply and heaved a disgusted sigh. Cyborgs's arrogance was making him sick. Letting his eyes continue wander through Cyborg's incessant prattling, his eyes landed on a petite brunette who was sitting alone at the opposite end of the club, applying coat of lipstick.

The lady was absolutely breath taking: beautiful eyes, a perfect hourglass figure, and a smile that could enchant anyone. Even Cyborg couldn't have said anything derogative about her. As he stared at her, mentally stalking her in his mind, Beast Boy felt a cold metallic hand slap him across the back.

" Man did you hear anything I just said." Cyborg asked.

"No, man I wasn't listening."

" And why the hell not!"

" Because I just saw the mother of my children."

" I didn't know they let chimpanzees in here."

" Dude, fuck you!"

" Hey I am just playing. Where is she?"

" Over there in the corner." He pointed to the far end of the club.

Cyborg's eyes followed to where Beast Boy had pointed, but he did not see the vision of the Venus his friend had declared.. Instead, he locked eyes with an object that could be considered Cerberus rather than the goddess of beauty. Feeling Cyborg's heavy eye, the woman held his gaze and winked at him seductively.

Cyborg all but jumped out of his seat. "Jesus Christ….That's straight nasty!"

"What is?" Beast Boy asked.

"That ugly-ass thing you pointed to in the corner. It winked at me man."

Beast Boy turned and stared in disbelief into his friend's face, unable to believe they had both just looked at the same woman. That's when he noticed a faint green glow emanating from Cyborg's right eye.

"Dude…Do you have you're night vision on?"

"No."

"WELL, TURN IT ON AND LOOK AT HER AGAIN!" He exclaimed.

Cyborg depressed a button near his temple, and a green lens smoothly slid into place over his eye.

" Oh, damn… she does look good. I just may have to go over there and make her night."

" What the hell are you talking about? She is so far out of your league."

" No woman is out of my league. Besides I haven't met a woman yet, that wouldn't kill to have the Cyborg experience!"

" Oh you are so full of shit!"

" You're just jealous."

" Okay Don Juan… A hundred bucks say you'll go down faster than Kennedy in Dallas!"

" It's a bet then little man. I want it in cash… no checks."

" Alright then." They shook on it.

Standing up, Cyborg briefly preened his appearance in the mirror fixed behind the bar. After a quick check of his breath, he rolled his shoulders back, then pimp strolled his way through the crowd to the back of the room. He approached the brunette, flashing a brilliant smile down at her. She looked at him, but did not return his smile. Undaunted, our metallic lothario took the seat next to her.

"Tell me…What's a beautiful woman like you doing alone tonight."

" Who say's I am alone?"

" Well I didn't see any man around, and if a woman like you had a man, he wouldn't let you out of his sight. I know I wouldn't."

The brunette, blushed brightly, and lowered her gaze to the floor.

" What's your name baby girl?"

" I'm Donna." She said while playing with the swizzle stick in the cosmopolitan sitting in front of her.

" Hmmm…Donna. I like that." He said, rubbing his chin. "My name is…"

" I know who you are." She interrupted coyly.

" You do."

" Well it's really not hard to figure out, Mr. Teen Titan. I mean how many robotic black men do you meet everyday?"

" Yeah, I guess I am easy to recognize. So Donna can I buy you a drink?"

" Um…. I have a rule about not letting men buy me anything until we know each other better."

" Okay, what do you want to know about me?"

The brunette folded her arms across her chest, then turned to regard Cyborg closely. "Well for one, how come you never answered any of my letters? What's up with that, huh?"

Stunned by the question Cyborg was immediately confused. "Huh? OOOO-k. Do I know you? H-Have we met before?"

" I think the question was pretty self explanatory." Donna's voice slightly rose an extra octave. "I sent you 36 letters, a box of cupcakes, and three pairs of my good panties,YOU know the ones, they were part of the Angle collection from Victoria SecretBut you, sir, didn't so much as _send_ me a thank you card."

Distracted by the word panties, Cyborg probed his mind for an image of those particular undergarments. "Do you mean those micro fiber things on a string?"

Donna slammed her drink on the table, causing some of the liquid to slosh over the side. "FOCUS."

" Well I didn't know it was you, baby." Cyborg shrugged innocently.

"No, don't 'baby' me Victor," Cyborg's eyebrows shot to the top of his forehead. How on earth did this crazy chick know his real name? Luckily, Donna explained to him how she knew. "Yeah…Yeah…I know your name, Mr. Teen Titan. And I know other things too, like, I know that you spend weekend after weekend after weekend with that Bumble Bee bitch."

Cyborg, now appropriately worried, starts to slide his chair back away from the table.

Holy shit, this woman's crazy, he thought to himself. He looked around desperately trying to find away out of the situation. He peered intensely back at Beast Boy, pleading with his eyes for rescue, but only to receive Beast Boy's middle finger wagging back and forth through the air. He returned his gaze back to the enraged brunette.

"Okay, wait a damn minute," Cyborg holds up his hands in pantomime surrender. "How do you know about Bumble Bee? Are you following me?"

" Don't avoid the question." Cyborg noticed Donna's right eye bulged out of her headthe thin red corpuscles running through her eye splintered and cracked like Charlie Sheen after a benderand now he was sufficiently scared.

Knowing that women sense fear, Cyborg decided that the best way to diffuse the situation would be to apologize. Quickly….."Now Donna, if I have done you horribly wrong, I'm sorry. I'm sooooo very sorry."

"Oh **SHUT THE FUCK UP**!" Donna shrieked, jumping out of her seat. Cyborg watched her sturdy oak chair clang to the floor, then nervously brought his eyes back to meet her bulging cracked eye again. "You're not sorry about a GODDAMN THING! All you wanted to do was stay with you're little _WINGED WHORE_!"

Unable to move, Cyborg plotted his escape, while she continued to rage.

"I gave you three years of my life, and what do I have to show for it? NOTHING."

Little droplets of spit flew onto Cyborg's face. Every thought imaginable flew through his mind. Nothing was going to calm, this Psycho Twinkie down. He had to get away from her. Now.

"Um look Donna I have to go…now."

Cyborg watched as Donna leaned down to pick up her fallen chair. With both hands grasping the chair firmly, she then raised it above her head and smashed it against table. Holding a rather big splintered shard of her seat she aimed her dagger at his heart. "Oh no…Mr. Teen Titan…YOU aren't going anywhere."

With that Cyborg leapt up from his seat and took off in a flat out sprint, knocking over four people in his way. A sea of brightly colored drinks flew through the air, in an alcohol-laden rainbow. As sweat started to run in salty torrents down his face, he turned quickly to see Donna—shard still in handrunning after him like the Terminator.

"Jesus Christ!" Cyborg ran faster. Energized by that only a man running for his life could feel, he ran past Beast Boy screaming: "Fuck the hundred bucks," Before seeking shelter in the only place he thought she would never go…..The men's restroom.


	4. SladeA Moment In Time

AN: I want to thank all the people who have reviewed this insanity and deemed it worthy of praise. You all need prozac as much as I do. Just Kidding! Well kids--here's chapter three. It's short, but it's good.

Disclaimer: If I were to be sued over anything, it would have to be this chapter. However, to cover my ass, I will say that I do not own the Teen Titans, and never will. There.

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**Robin's Boogie Nights**

**By: Flaming Homer**

**Chapter Three: Slade--A Moment In Time**

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Meanwhile, from a darkened corner of the room, Slade Wilson, ---the Titans most formidable foe--- was hunkered behind a large pillar. He watched the stage door where Robin had entered like a hawk, and waited for Robin to reemerge. He had stalked the Boy Wonder to this location, and eagerly awaited the opportunity to strike down the leader of the Titans when he least expected it.

Typically anti-social by nature, (except for that mixer at Princeton during his freshman year), Slade would never have been seen gracing an establishment such as Masquerade. Normally the hypnotic pulse of techno music, the feted stench of pheromones, and no visible exit, would have ignited a rage in him that would have rivaled the fires of hell. But tonight was different. Tired of being foiled, time after time by Robin and his body stocking clad band of misfits, Slade decided on a new approach. Instead of luring children to a darkened location, with no adult supervision, he was going to theirs. To vanquish his enemy, he had to strike while the iron was hot---when the Titan's least expected an attack.

Consumed by the thoughts of his impending victory, Slade was oblivious to the goings on in the club: The guttural retching of the frat boy a mere five feet from him, the couple on the dance floor in front of him bumping and grinding like hyena's on the discovery channel, and the severe beating of a young man that looked a bit like Moby were but mere background noise to him. Our armor ensconced child-abuser, was mentally stroking himself with a villainous soliloquy:

_Yes Robin. Have your fun, for it will be over in a moment. For tonight your breast shall soon run red with blood, much like the breast of that shitty-ass bird you're named after._

Aroused by the sound of his own voice, Slade began to laugh maniacally. His wicked chortle filled his ears and drowned out the delicate footfalls of eight-inch platform shoes. It blinded him from seeing the owner of said shoes, sashay over and drape themselves on the very column he was hunkered behind.

It was only the melodious voice of his mystery guest that brought him back to reality.

" Excuse me."

"Huh?" Looking up, Slade now saw a waifishly thin young blonde male, dressed in a black midi with impossibly tight pink leather pants, and a large 'boy toy' belt hanging limply from his non-existent hips, standing next to him.

"Yes. What do you want?" Slade demanded of the young man, whose disturbing presence snapped him from his fantasy of revenge.

"Hi there. I've been watching you all evening." The man points to his chest and says," My name is Erik, with a "K" what's yours?"

" None of your business."

" I see you're not with anyone tonight."

" Slade works alone!"

" Slade. How industrial sounding. Are you German?"

" Look boy I am trying to work here! Will you kindly leave me alone!"

" Oh a man of mystery…I love that. Just tell me one thing Slade."

" If I do will you leave?"

" Sure."

" Well out with it! You are wasting Slade's time"

" Are you dominant or submissive?"

" I am always on top. Slade dominates all"

" Fabulous! Just promise me you'll be gentle, I'm delicate"

Eric rested his head on the gold plate mail covering Slade's bicep, stroking the bulging forearm up and down. Slade suddenly became visibly uncomfortable, as he realized just what the boy's intentions were.

" Wait a minute, I think you have got the wrong idea about Slade."

" You don't have to say a word." Eric delicately places his finger on the mouth of the mask that is now concealing the vehemently pursed lips of our villain. "I will be waiting for you."

The elegant vocabulary that normally graced Slade's lips was now replaced with uncomfortable stammering. "Wa—wait boy! You misunderstand Slade."

But alas Slade's proclamation was just out of earshot of the amorous Eric, who was now slowly walking away, licking his lips at our master villain.


End file.
